


It's not as bad as it seems, it's worse

by parka_girl



Category: K-pop, Topp Dogg (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 10:49:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1302151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parka_girl/pseuds/parka_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seokjin goes to Hyosang's show, bittersweetness ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's not as bad as it seems, it's worse

Seokjin stands in the back of the hall, snapback pulled down low over his eyes, face mask obscuring the rest of his face. He's made it this far without anyone recognizing him, but he has a few hours of show ahead of him, and it's already starting to get unbearably hot under his mask. But he can't take it off. He knows, already, that there's probably a cross over of Bangtan fans with Topp Dogg fans. And he follows Hyosang on twitter enough to know that he's been encouraging their fans to show up. 

He wishes someone else was with him, that he didn't have to be here, alone. But he didn't tell anyone, except Hyosang, that he was coming. He snuck out of the dorm, against the rules (if he'd gotten permission, he probably wouldn't even have to hide his face). But he wanted to go, alone. He'd missed so many of Hyosang's shows, because of Bangtan, because of real life, because he's suddenly an idol. 

The screaming gets loud, before Hyosang even appears. Seokjin sinks back, hiding himself in the crowd. No one's looking at him, now that the lights are down. His mask slips a bit and he doesn't pull it back up, at least not right away. He enjoys the show, but he especially enjoy Hyosang, just like most of the audience. Over half of them girls, screaming. Flashes flicker throughout the crowd. He uses his own phone to snap a blurry picture. And just before the last song of the night, he texts to Hyosang. 

A few minutes later, after the show's over and people are filing out, his phone buzzes. Seokjin's mask is over his face again, hat pulled down. If it wasn't too dark for sunglasses, he'd wear them. He looks at his phone, a text from Hyosang. Three words. _Where are you?_ Seokjin looks around, then spots the name of the cafe he's stopped outside. It's not far from the hall where the show was. 

He texts Hyosang with the name and considerings just calling a cab to take him back to the dorm when he doesn't get a reply. But just as he's about to, his phone rings. Hyosang. 

"Hey." Hyosang says. 

A smile starts to crawl across Seokjin's face. "Hey."

"Didn't see you there." 

Seokjin actually smiles this time. "Yeah, that was kind of the point."

"I thought you'd bring the guys with you." Hyosang sounds distracted and Seokjin would feel bad, if Hyosang hadn't called him instead of the other way around. 

"I sort of … snuck out." Seokjin walks toward another shop, it's closed. He looks at the displays in the window, turning away from the people walking past him. 

There's silence on the other end of the phone and then the sound of muffled voices. Hyosang's voice, but not to him. "Five minutes, okay?" Silence and then Hyosang's speaking to him. "Sorry. We're all going out after, you know." 

Seokjin does know and there's a part of him that aches. He wants to be with them. He has a sudden feeling of regret, it's crowding out of any of the enjoyment he took with him from the show. From watching Hyosang on stage. 

"Jin?" Hyosang pauses, lowering his voice. "Seokjin?" Using his real name. It's such a weakness when Hyosang uses it. 

"Yeah?" 

"You all right?" And fuck him, for their friendship. For knowing him so well. 

"Fine, yeah." And he should go back to the dorm. Before they notice he's gone, though he's sure they already have. It's not like they didn't know he'd sneak out. It's not like they didn't know where he's gone. 

"I know you're lying." Hyosang's voice is filled with something Seokjin can't place. 

He doesn't answer, he just presses the phone to his ear and walks away from the shop he'd stopped in front of. He wants to disappear into the crowd, to forget this was even happening. Or that it had happened, or whatever. 

"I'm fine." Seokjin repeats, hoping at least one of them will believe the lie. 

Hyosang doesn't reply. Seokjin hears muffled noises through the phone as he walks. The road turns and soon he'll be out of sight of the hall. The crowds have thinned. He stops and turns. He can just make out the sign for the hall, advertising the name. 

"I wanted to see you." Hyosang's voice is loud and clear in Seokjin's ear and he realizes that he'd forgotten they were still on the phone. 

"You know it's …" Seokjin starts, but then stops. He wants to see Hyosang too. They barely have time for each other. They text and talk on the phone, but only in short bursts. He misses the way they used to be around each other. The way things used to be. 

"Complicated, I know." Hyosang finishes Seokjin's sentence and Seokjin knows he's not making up the ache in Hyosang's voice. 

Seokjin turns away, staring into the darkness in front of him. A few more blocks and he'll be able to catch the subway that'll take him back to the dorm. If he's lucky, no one will notice him. If he's lucky, he'll be able to hold himself together until he's in the privacy of the dorm's bathroom. If he's lucky. He turns around again, someone's walking toward him. He looks at his phone. His call's still connected. 

"Hyosang?" His voice is a little raw, like he's been holding back tears. Maybe he has. 

"I'm here." Hyosang's voice. On the phone. Down the street. 

Seokjin lets his hand fall from his ear. He sees it's Hyosang now, wearing a beanie and a face mask not unlike his own. Hyosang's jogging, his phone no longer at his ear. He's getting closer. He's out of breath when he reaches Seokjin. 

"You're here." Seokjin says. He looks at his phone and then at Hyosang. He clicks his phone off. 

Hyosang doesn't reply, just gently pushes Seokjin into the darkness of an alley. He tugs his own face mask down, a faint smile across his lips. And then reaches out, pulling Seokjin's face mask down. Seokjin is breathless as he shoves his phone into his pocket. Hyosang's is lost in the coat he's wearing. 

Hyosang's fingers against his face, Seokjin's eyelids flutter, but his eyes don't close. He curls his hands against Hyosang's sides, fumbling until he gets them under his coat, against the hoodie he's wearing. And then Hyosang's mouth is against his, kissing him in the darkness of this alley. Seokjin's eyes do close now as he steps, into the kiss and into Hyosang. Their bodies pressed close together. 

He's missed this. Their friendship, of course. The secrets they shared with each other. It's not that they don't talk now, it's just not as much and not as often. It's more that they don't see each other, they don't touch. Seokjin recognizes the ache now, the one he feels every time he sees Topp Dogg on TV. Every time he see Hyosang rapping. He can tell, from the way Hyosang's kissing him that he feels the same. 

He gets lost, in the kiss. His hands pulling up Hyosang's hoodie, his t-shirt. Just enough to press his hands against Hyosang's skin. To feel the muscles beneath, the warmth. Hyosang's hand twists in his hair, his snapback long since fallen on the ground. Seokjin presses closer, until his arms are wrapped around Hyosang, holding onto him. Until Hyosang's body is wrapped around his own. 

He presses his face against Hyosang's neck. He's so skinny, Seokjin thinks. He kisses at Hyosang's throat. He feels Hyosang's hands again, under his own coat, somehow unzipped. Skin against skin. It's cold out, but Seokjin feels like he's going to burn up. And then a phone rings. Hyosang's phone. He frees a hand from under Seokjin's clothes and answers. 

"Yeah. Yeah. Hyung, _yes_." There's a touch of annoyance in his voice as he hangs up the phone. "I have to go." 

"Of course you do." Seokjin says, but his anger is swept away by Hyosang's mouth on his. 

"I'll find a way." Hyosang whispers against Seokjin's mouth, hands once again under his shirt, against his skin, making him shiver. 

"We'll find a way." Seokjin replies, right before his own phone buzzes. He pulls his hands out from under Hyosang's hoodie and looks at his phone. It's from Yoongi, telling him he'd better get back soon. 

Seokjin lifts his gaze and Hyosang holds it. They say nothing for a long time and then Seokjin leans in, mouth against Hyosang's. It is goodnight, goodbye and I love you all rolled up into one. They don't say anything, not as Hyosang kisses him. Not as they pull apart. It's only when they've separated, when Seokjin's waiting for the subway, that he realizes Hyosang has his snapback and he has Hyosang's beanie. He twists his fingers in the side of the beanie as he pulls it down over his ears and he doesn't care if it was an accident or on purpose. It's a part of Hyosang and it's his now, and Hyosang has a part of him, that snapback. Or maybe they've always had parts of each other and Seokjin's only realizing it now. 

He's walking into the dorm when his phone buzzes. He stops in the hall and reads the text. From Hyosang. 

_I meant it._ Three simple words. 

_We'll find a way,_ Seokjin thinks as he texts his reply: _I know._ Because he does know. Even if they can't find a way.


End file.
